Part 1 - "The Stages of Love"

--by Robert Elias Najemy


What is Love?  


Rosendahl

Love is our greatest need. Is it our highest most fulfilling state? Do we really love or are we simply attached to, identified with or dependent upon the persons we "love"? Is our love free and unconditional, or is it mixed with various needs, conditions and demands? What is unconditional love? Is it possible for us to cultivate it? What is the difference between love and attachment? How can we determine whether what we feel is love or attachment? How can we purify our love and move into a higher level of consciousness?  These are some of the many questions that we need to answer in order to create happiness.

Defining Love--

Love is a very difficult word to define, perhaps because its reality approaches spiritual dimensions, which are beyond time and space, and thus, our comprehension. Love is perhaps more easily described by what it is not. Love is not fear, hurt, pain, jealousy, bitterness, hate, separateness, lust, attachment, aggressiveness, ego-centeredness, indifference, possessiveness, suppression - the list goes on.

Love, like God, peace and other spiritual realities, can be perceived more easily through the effects that it creates. We cannot see the wind, but we can see its effects, such as the leaves moving, branches swaying, or the sound of air rushing. We know wind exists by its various side effects. We know there is a Creator because we perceive its effect - creation itself.

What then are the effects of love? Love creates feelings of unity. We feel toward others as we feel towards ourselves. We are as interested in their welfare, happiness, success, health and spiritual growth as much as we are about our own. Loving others means wanting them to be happy in whatever ways they are guided to their happiness. It breeds understanding, compassion, forgiveness, happiness, excitement, peace, joy, fulfillment and a desire to be helpful in any way we can.

Love is expansion beyond our ego limitations. It is the ability to identify with the other, to let go of our self-interest and personal needs enough to really hear and understand the other's needs and interests. It means caring enough to sacrifice, when necessary, our own pleasures and desires when the other's needs are obviously more important.

Love is the force that brings about unity and harmony. It is the "glue" of the universe. It helps persons with different egos, desires, programmings and needs to overcome all those potentially repelling forces and unite. Love needs not so much to be learned or cultivated, but rather released or brought from within us to the surface. We are love. Our basic nature is love. However, our ignorance, fear and attachment have buried it so deeply within us that it is sometimes difficult to summon or maintain. Loving others steadily, independently of their behavior, is not an easy achievement.

Love vs. Need--

The power of attraction which we call love is expressed on many levels and in countless ways. The most basic level is that of need. We often use the word love when we really mean, "need". We say, "I love you." But, if we analyze ourselves deeply, we realize we really mean, "I need you." This is the basic message of most love songs. They lament with sadness, pain, agony and cry out "you left me, I cannot live without you. I need you."

This is not the highest form of love. It is love mixed with need, attachment and addiction. If it were pure love and the other was happier by leaving us or even happier with someone else, we would be happy for him or her, not full of sadness for ourselves. Loving others means wanting them to be happy, healthy and successful in the ways that they are guided to be. Love does not create the pain we feel when someone leaves us or rejects us. That pain is generated by our dependency upon that person for our security, pleasure or affirmation.

Needs and attachments create fear, pain and suffering. Love creates happiness, fulfillment and the experience of our True Selves.  --Be Well


Continue reading...  Part 2 - "The Stages of Love"

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About the Author: Robert Elias Najemy is a spiritual empath, life coach and author of more than 30 books, 600 articles and 400 lectures on Human Harmony. His recently released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at Amazon. Robert makes his home in Athens, Greece. Please visit his website here.

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Part 2 - "The Stages of Love"

Love or Need for Security?
--by Robert Elias Najemy


Our Love is Mixed With Need--



Our love is still mixed with a considerable amount of need. Love wants to give. Need wants to take. Sometimes what we are seeking to take is very subtle and requires deep inner inquiry. Whenever we feel pain, fear or anger in our relationships, it is because we believe that our needs are in "danger" of not being satisfied. When this happens, our "love" turns to hurt, disappointment, fear, loneliness, inferiority, or bitterness, and sometimes, anger, hate, rage and desire for revenge. How can love become all these negative emotions? It cannot. The simple truth is that our emotion never was pure love to begin with. It was an "attraction" based to some degree also on need. This does not mean that we should reject ourselves because we have seldom really loved purely. As we are not yet enlightened spiritual beings, how could we? It would be like rejecting ourselves because we do not yet have a university diploma when we are still in the first grade or because we are a flower bud, which has not yet blossomed. It is only natural that we cannot yet love unconditionally. This is our stage of evolution.

Freeing our Love from Need--

The first step towards opening our hearts to real love is to accept and love ourselves exactly as we are with all our weaknesses and faults. Only then can we proceed effectively. The second step is to begin observing the feelings that are stimulated in our transpersonal. Through objective self-observation, we can determine in which situations we love unconditionally and in which we are feeling "loving" with specific conditions. Following are some examples that will help.

Needing Those Who Make Us Feel Secure--

We look to others for security. We might seek security from our parents, spouses, siblings, children, employers, friends, ministers, spiritual teachers or others. We do feel love toward these beings, but often that love is based on the fact that they offer us a sense of security. If they start behaving in ways that obstruct our feelings of security or if they decide to leave or ignore us, will we still love them? If our employer fires us, will we still love him or her? If our parents throw us out onto the street, will we still love them? Or is our love tightly woven with the need for security? If as parents we dream that our children will become economically well off and socially accepted professionals, will we love them the same if they become street artists, beggars or anarchists? Some parents will be able to; others will not.

The basic question is whether or not our feelings of love are steady and consistent regardless of the various changing behaviors of those we "love". In each case where we perceive our heart closing, we need to discover what we fear in that situation. What might we believe is in danger? Most frequently we lose our love when we fear that our security, self-worth, freedom or pleasure are in danger. Only when we have realized total inner security, perhaps based on an inner spiritual awakening or on our faith in the Divine, will we be able to love without security attachments. Only when we know that we can live without others can we really love them steadily.

Society has caused us to completely confuse this matter. We believe that if we love others, then we must be totally dependent on them and should fear that our world would fall apart if something happens to them. This is insecurity. This is a lack of awareness of our inner spiritual nature and our ability to deal with life. It has nothing to do with love.

Perhaps this is why the Apostle John wrote, "Where there is perfect love, there can be no fear."

--Be Well

Continue reading Part 3 - "The Stages of Love"

About the Author: Robert Elias Najemy is a spiritual empath, life coach and author of more than 30 books, 600 articles and 400 lectures on Human Harmony. His recently released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at Amazon. Robert makes his home in Athens, Greece. Please visit his website here.

Image credit: Rosendahl   

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Part 4 - "The Stages of Love"

Selfless Love for a Specific Person --by Robert Elias

An essential stage in the evolution of love is being able to love others regardless of their behavior. Probably the closest most of us have come to experiencing such love is towards our children. There are some parents who have totally selfless love for their children. They maintain steady love for "their child" even if he or she does not live up to the parents' expectations, even if he or she rejects and abuses the parents, and even if he or she becomes a dangerous criminal.

This love is not universal nor is it totally unconditional because there is one condition, that the other is "my child" and not someone else's. We might also experience this type of selfless love for a specific person when he or she is "our student" or under "our care or responsibility." This type of love often has to do with the role of protector or feeling responsibility for someone. It enables us to accept all types of behavior from others and continue accepting and loving them with understanding and compassion.

In some cases, we may also feel such love for persons who belong to the same grouping, i.e. nationality, religion or social class. In these cases, we do not gain something tangible from these individuals. We do not require anything from them. Our love is not dependent upon their abiding by a certain type of behavior or even reciprocating our love. Our love is more selfless but still specific and not universal.
 

Universal Self-less Love--

The next stage is to expand our feelings of unconditional love and acceptance to a wider circle of people and eventually to all beings - including animals, plants and insects. This love, however, is still directed toward form. We are focused on the temporary form being occupied by these beings; thus we feel a sense of sadness when they experience suffering or unhappiness, or if and when we loose them. We perceive their form as reality. We feel love and acceptance for that person, but we still live within the illusion that the form is the reality. We forget that behind that form there is an immortal ever-blissful consciousness, which is just temporarily projecting that form toward the earth plane level.

Universal consciousness is never in pain, never suffers, is never unhappy and can never die. That consciousness is the ultimate reality of the being or beings whom we love. Those who experience this universal selfless love often choose careers or lifestyles that allow them to serve the whole in some way. They may join service groups such as the Peace Corps or other voluntary service organizations. They feel a need to express that love through actions which better the quality of life for those around them, especially for those who are suffering, lonely or unhappy. Their interest expands beyond the limits of themselves and their immediate family.

They begin to realize that all beings are brothers and sisters in one spiritual family of all humanity. As their awareness grows, they perceive even animals, plants and insects as belonging to "their family." They seek to express this love through acts of service and care.

 

--Be Well

 

 



Cont'd Part 5 - "The Stages of Love"

About the author: Robert Elias Najemy's recently released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-05) is available at:   http://tinyurl.com/956t8yv